AJ Soprano Goes to Washington

The similarities between Tony Soprano’s son AJ and President Bush are undeniable.  Earlier in the season, AJ paid a visit to Uncle Junior with a hunting knife stashed in his shirt.  After bungling the murder attempt, orderlies piled on him as he screamed and cried “he tried to kill my dad!”  Never mind how ill-equipped the kid was, both emotionally and mentally, in the end it’s all about a lifelong struggle to somehow live up to the legend of a man he knows he’ll never be good enough to emulate.  Uncle Junior shoots Tony, and his lack of a response equals an opportunity for his feeble-minded son to do something – anything – and that’s when people like him start believing the words of all those who’re kissing his ass every minute of every day.  A true simpleton can never tell the difference between a friend and a leech, as that’s an ability one learns through experience.  So when these leeches start tossing around bright ideas (invading Iraq-murdering Uncle Junior), the fortunate son gets to feel like he’s privy to a path that leads to glory, one that they figure daddy wasn’t man enough to travel.  Since the foolish prince hasn’t done a day of hard work in his life, nor has he fallen and had to pick himself up, lazily he becomes convinced that one act of macho-induced stupidity will ensure the legacy he longs for.   It’s a condition these two share, and in both cases there’s a gaping hole inside of them, the result of idolizing a man who was always too busy being a ‘captain of industry’ to bother with the mundane business of fatherhood.  In Tony’s case its booze, strippers, power, greed and a desperate longing for peace, quiet and a jumbo-sized ice cream sundae.  Whereas George Bush Sr. had his eyes set on DC, and proceeded to kiss the ass of everyone who could help him climb to the top.  Neither of them felt much in the area of love from their own fathers (Johnny and Prescott), yet each was able to leverage their last names effectively, while picking up enough street smarts along the way to improve on the last name they were lucky to be born with.  Also along the way, both had to roll up their sleeves, Bush Sr. in WW2 and Tony, well, his deeds we’re well aware of.  Lest we forget how he had to kill Ralphie with his bare hands after being shot in the eyes with pesticide – in a morbid sort of a way, Bush Sr. jumping out of his fighter plane with a parachute is the same type of experience – life or death, you or me.   

And here is where I feel the separation between their generation and the one their sons represent truly materializes.  Whereas both Tony and Bush Sr. had to outlive the shadow their fathers cast over them, both of them also overcame things on their own along the way.  AJ and Bush Jr. got themselves into trouble, only to be bailed out every single time by the power of their last name.  Neither had to brave a storm on their own, and because of that, they’re slaves to the same thing their fathers managed to break free from.  Perhaps it’s a sign of technology making us soft, but both individuals required more love than they got from their fathers.  Both were blessed with a gift in the form of a last name that means something to the rest of the world, yet neither of them figured out how to use it for anything more than the chance to skate through those parts of life the rest of us had to work hard to get through.      

The mob has a way of dealing with these types of idiots, like sending them down to Florida or out to Las Vegas.  Unfortunately, in politics these idiots can win elections forever.  The Kennedy’s come to mind – a potent mixture of passion and intelligence, watered down more and more with each generation.  With this in mind, perhaps the NFL is ‘taking one for the team’ in courting Jeb to be the next commissioner.  While football fans may suffer under the man who lost a game of chess against a brain-dead Terri Shiavo, at least we wouldn’t again become slaves to the psychology of a fortunate son gone mad from penis envy.  Come to think of it, we should probably be finding jobs for all the Bush Sr. progeny.  For the sake of not having to stack future veterans on top of each other in Arlington National Cemetery, let’s finally close the book on this family.  Once AJ Soprano’s second term is over, we should all work together to keep this tainted breed out of the White House forever.