Alan Greenspan’s Replacement to be Announced Next Week

The retirement of Alan Greenspan from the Federal Reserve had been viewed for months by administration insiders as a moment that could play heavily into President Bush’s legacy. Perhaps the most critical appointment of his Presidency, Greenspan’s retirement towards the end of this year is something the administration is “intently focused” upon according to sources close to the matter. Earlier today this space was informed that it is a 99% lock at this point that Bush will be appointing his dog Barney to the position. An announcement is expected soon, but according to our confidential sources, should Barney die before the announcement can be made, the position would then most likely go to the President’s nephew Cletus. “He’s an born-again day trader, who Bush insists shares his values.” More to come…