While I’m not that much into the US Open, I have anticipated a day of ease up till now, a day where daddy certainly does know best…or at least he’s provided the illusion that he does. It’s a myth…I don’t know how many of my fellow fathers out there had their day planned out for them in advance, but I hope I’m the only one. It’s 95 degrees outside, sticky humidity, nothing good on TV, and rumor has it that in an hour or so I’m going to be responsible for packing up the kids and getting them to a family gathering.
Fuck That! It’s not going to happen – nor should it. I don’t know how they celebrated father’s day before I showed up…but it sure does seem like fathers had little say in it. That changes today. Catch some flack? I’m sure I will, but wouldn’t that be a monumental irony, busted for pretending that since I’m a father, ‘Father’s Day’ would have something to do with what I wanted. I know, I’m being a baby, I need to grow up…whatever. At least one other father who’s going to this event today, I know for a fact, would rather not…my gut tells me that every other one feels the same way, but to talk freely about such things would most likely result in a lack of sex, or a lack of sanity when the non-fathers refuse to stop flapping their gums over it.
Well, I made it through basic traning in Missouri in heat worse than this – I think I’ve got the stuff to weather this storm. Before combat ensues, let me point out that I honestly think the way to truly enjoy Father’s Day is to just go along with it and make everyone else happy…that’s what being in a ‘relationship’ is all about I suppose. Achieving peace and happiness through muted endurance of something that you think will be over at some point…in the evening perhaps, when the NBA finally decides to play game five…or maybe it’s sometime between dinner and Father’s Day next year…vagina-willing.
(30 minutes later) Flack? Oh – INDEED – but what happens if I just throw on a smile and put up with the program? Like all programs in American life, conceived by women who then inform the men, it would grow more elaborate and intrusive with each passing year, until finally ‘Father’s Day’ becomes a day when daddy watches the kids all day while the wives congregate in day spas, sipping some bubbly, laughing their asses off.
NO MA’AM! The Bundy legend lives on.
Anything for the sweet, sweet golden reward.
Most fathers I know are like you Al…they don’t give a kablooey about Father’s Day. No sentimentality.
Well at least one father is enjoying himself. I had to do about a half hours worth of work earlier, but other than that I’m just walking around the house barefoot wondering whether to scratch my ass with my left hand or right hand. Oh that’s right, I have a wife who will scratch my ass TODAY. I’m normally not a follower of silly holiday traditions, but the wife really took advantage of mother’s day, so I’m following suit.
I’ve got a fried seafood buffet coming this evening. Fried shrimp, scallops, halibut with some steamed clams and french fries on the side (all cooked and served to me in the comfort of my own home). The woman hasn’t given me hell at all for wanting to just sit in my clean house (the one day I don’t feel a little guilty for saying “clean up”) and soak in the beauty of being a dad on this fine father’s day.
Happy Sperm Donor’s Day!!!
I have never met a person that can cook such fine seasfood cusine. Must be an Alaskan thing.
Hey, good thing for dads. They teach you quite a bit, like how not to be a chickenshit.
Congrats on the fine day you had captain – I thought mine was getting better at one point, but then Dwayne Wade got ANOTHER phantom foul call on a drive he made on three Mavs defenders…he dribbled himself into a bad spot, threw up a desperation underhanded shot, not a single Dallas defender made contact…yet he shoots two. The replay went up once, and it’s obvious that he got the Jordan-whistle…so of course they neglected to put it up again.
Fried seafood dinner…something Alaska and Massachusetts have in common. Good stuff!
Well, the woman forgot to buy shrimp. I administered 20 lashes.
I also had to fry the scallops and halibut myself. She claimed she wasn’t as good as me (very true). A frozen mug full of Alaskan Amber washed it all down. Nothing like drinking beer while you watch the wife water the lawn 😉
Secret recipe for frying food. Buy some Club crackers or Ritz crackers. They’re both buttery (can you say fatty). Crush the crackers up into a fine powder. Mix this 50/50 with flour, and season to taste. Dip the seafood into a bowl of beaten eggs, then dip in cracker/flour mix. Place in fryer (I use a skillet) and brown to taste (I used olive oil). Don’t get the oil too hot.
Greasy, but very good, and probably good on anything you choose to fry.
menace – I think we have a lot in common – that recipe is on point! Ritz crackers as a breading or (my favorite use) in place of breadcrumbs in meatloaf is a great way to tweak or perfect a recipe. I cook a lot myself, as does van helsing (full time lurker, part time poster)…I think we should devote some blog space to our recipes. I just experimented tonight with a couple different breadings for about 3 pounds of fried chicken – S.R. can share his thoughts on how it came out, I was pleased w/ it. You point out that too much heat is a bad thing, and that’s an important point most recipes leave out…it’s that type of detail that can lead someone down a trail of despair once they sit down to enjoy it.
S.R. is going back to Bakersfield on Wednesday…I’m planning on a fried seafood dinner for our last ones. I’ll be using this recipe…anything else I should keep in mind?
How are the Alaskan microbrews?
Ha! Sounds like we both like to eat, and cook. How did the chicken turn out? My wife says I need to eat more baked chicken, but bleh! I’m still young enough to eat crap food (although for not much longer).
Alaskan is the brand. Brewed down in Juneau (my hometown). Very good. I’m no connoiseur of course, I enjoy Bud in the can too. I really like Alaskan beer. They run a Summer Ale, Winter Ale, a year round Pale Ale, and of course their flagship… the Amber. They also brew a god awful seasonal Smoked Porter. Imagine eating a hand full of cedar ash. The only thing it is good for is beer battering your seafood (in my opinion). I drank a whole one once, and that was the last time I ever drank Smoked Porter. I’ve only had one beer worse than that, the time my brother brewed some red pepper beer. What the hell was he thinking? There are also some other micros around, but I don’t drink enough to really experiment anymore.
Which reminds me. What do you guys think about the saying “variety is the spice of life?” I have an opinion, but I’d rather hear yours before I pollute your brain with mine.
Alaskan Smoked Porter is one of the most highly sought after and award winning beers in the United States, google it and see. Also, the only beer you drink from a frozen mug is the macro swill that dominates this country, the cold is the only trait of the beer as it is tasteless crap.
As for a fish fry, olive oil is not a good oil to use, if you do use olive oil to fry make sure it is the cheapest one you can find, extra virgin and virgin have a super low smoking point and you will be testing your smoke detector. Also, frying a piece of fish takes a good deal of oil and olive oil is $$$ compared to other frying oils on the market.
For fathers day we broke out the smoker and did some baby back ribs and a 4lb pork shoulder(pulled pork), 4 hours for the ribs and 7 hours for the shoulder, through together some ingredients for a dry rub for the smoking part and a homemade bbq sauce for finishing. Made some cornbread too from scratch with some cornmeal but that wasn’t so great. Enjoyed my BBQ with a Stone Smoked Porter, not a bad day.
I don’t need google to tell me that something tastes like garbage, but hey taste is everything. Yeah, I’m aware of it’s awards, Alaskan Brewery touts it in their marketing. I have a friend that actually looks forward to the nasty brew. I drank it the first season they released it, maybe it’s mellowed out since then. The frozen mug is my wife’s doing. I think she thinks that it is “lordly” or something of the sort. And who am I to break it to her that I’m not really lordly? It’s all good to me (except for the Smoked Porter).
As for olive oil. It was our last resort, I was skeptical but it turned out quite well with absolutely no smoking (low heat).
Directions for the BBQ?
I tried marinating rib eyes in red wine about a month ago (marinated over night). I was reading a blog written by a Texan. I thought surely he must know about steak. He said the wine really tenderizes the meat with no noticeable wine taste after the meat is cooked. Well, BS. The meat truly was the most tender I’d ever cooked on a grill, but every bite was like taking a sip of wine. Not to my liking at all. Oh well, trial and error. How else will I ever be able to harness the necessary 1.21 gigawatts?
helsing, you did it right – as did captain – I on the other hand, had my thumb up my ass all day, w/ the other hand darting to and fro in search of escaping babies.
I think the red wine has the same effect on the meat that vinegar would, the acidity (is that right?) breaks down the meat to make it tender…if you dunked it in red wine overnight, the texan who told you to do it is about as smart as every other person i’ve ever met from there…
The movie ‘Blood Simple’ is full of characters from Texas, watched it last night, and the red wine story fits quite well.
I’d try it again, cut it down to a 4th of the wine you used, then combine it with some spice and another marinade that’s not very loud…
Love talking about cooking – – – helsing, can you put together your barbacue recipe and email it?
Get yourself one of these:
Van’s Link
Add some lump charcoal and let it get white hot and some water soaked applewood chips. Add whatever meat your smoking and make sure your heat hangs around 225 and wait a few hours. Pork shoulder is done @195 and ribs depending on size 4-6 hours.
My BBQ sauce:
start with 1/4 cup of chopped yellow onion and cooked it down in some butter for 4-5 minutes.
Add:
2 cups ketchup
1/2 cup yellow mustard
1/2 cup light brown sugar
2/3 cup apple cider vinegar
dash or ten of tabasco
dash of worcestshire
shake of crushed red pepper
bring all this to a boil and turn it down to medium low and let simmer for 10 minutes and refrigerate, don’t worry it will thicken in the fridge.
* You can add a dash of liquid smoke but I don’t. Some people also throw in molasses.
Making your own BBQ sauce will make you wonder why you ever bought the store stuff, although stubbs and sweet baby rays make some good stuff.