STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I’ve been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.’s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.’s and they need to get out.
Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents’ dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I’m a pretty sound sleeper — that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it’s my privilege to celebrate this president. We’re not so different, he and I. We get it. We’re not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We’re not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That’s where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that’s not true. That’s cause you looked it up in a book.
Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that’s how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the “No Fact Zone.” Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I’m a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.
In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it’s a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it’s yogurt. But I refuse to believe it’s not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass — it’s important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty. There’s still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn’t drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don’t believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.
I mean, it’s like the movie “Rocky.” All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is — everything else in the world. It’s the tenth round. He’s bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he’s yelling, “Cut me, Dick, cut me!,” and every time he falls everyone says, “Stay down! Stay down!” Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he — actually, he loses in the first movie.
OK. Doesn’t matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don’t pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he’s not doing? Think about it. I haven’t.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he’s down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He’s trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!
And I just like the guy. He’s a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She’s a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma’am.
I’m sorry, but this reading initiative. I’m sorry, I’ve never been a fan of books. I don’t trust them. They’re all fact, no heart. I mean, they’re elitist, telling us what is or isn’t true, or what did or didn’t happen. Who’s Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that’s my right as an American! I’m with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
The greatest thing about this man is he’s steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man’s beliefs never will. As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president’s side, and the vice president’s side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they’re super-depressing. And if that’s your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn’t want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works: the president makes decisions. He’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put ’em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know – fiction!
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, “Oh, they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
Now, it’s not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They’ve all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How’s Tuesday for you? I’ve got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we’ve got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren’t retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
Look, by the way, I’ve got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don’t let them retire! Come on, we’ve got a stop-loss program; let’s use it on these guys. I’ve seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you’re strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven’t heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It’s like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia’s recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia’s critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.
John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn’t a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There’s no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it’s so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you’ve seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I’d like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It’s a Mallomar, I guess is what I’m describing, a seasonal cookie.
Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? [looks horrified] I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson’s wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
And, of course, we can’t forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, “Snow Job.” Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card’s children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn’t made the decision so quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I’d like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.
NOTE BY FREDERICK: The “audition tape” (someone on KOS)transcribed below is available here.
BEGINNING OF “AUDITION TAPE”
Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with him at a podium, addressing the assembled Washington press corps.
COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let’s see who we’ve got here today.
COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)
Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)
Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)
Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)
Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)
And Suzanne Mal — hello!!
(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths “call me.”)
REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?
COLBERT: I’ve already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).
REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he’s the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?
You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?
DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you?
(Laughter)
COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?
DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?
COLBERT: I don’t know. I’ll ask him.
(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seeing drawing a heart with “Karl + Stephen” written on it.)
GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said “I’ve gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this.” Do you stand by that statement?
COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!
GREGORY: No, you’re not finishing. You’re not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that’s where you’re wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.
GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you’re going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you’ve decided not to talk. You’ve got to . . .
(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled “EJECT,” “GANNON” and “VOLUME.” He selects the “VOLUME” button and turns it. We see Gregory’s lips continue moving, but can’t hear any sound coming out.)
COLBERT: If I can’t hear you, I can’t answer your question. I’m sorry! I have to move on. Terry.
TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .
(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran’s question.)
MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?
COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.
HELEN THOMAS: You’re going to be sorry.
(Laughter)
COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?
THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (we see Colbert, his smile fading) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.
COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .
THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is why did you really want to go to war?
COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I’m going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That’s enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I’m moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)
(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)
COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don’t let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.
(Reporters keep shouting at him.)
COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I’m not listening to you!
Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!
(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)
COLBERT (frantic): I’m out of here!
(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, “There is a wall here!” The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush’s experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)
COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I’ve never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.
(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)
(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)
(Colbert trips over a roller skate, and yells “Condi!” We see a close-up of Helen Thomas’ face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)
COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!
ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?
COLBERT: She won’t stop asking why we invaded Iraq! ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?
COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)
(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)
(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. Finally he succeeds, jumps in, locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to get the car started. He finally does so, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)
COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!
(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)
(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)
COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.
(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, “Buckle up, hon.” IT’S HELEN THOMAS!!!)
COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!
END OF “AUDITION TAPE”
STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it’s been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!
Couldn’t get thru it all at this sitting, but what I did read was grade-A. Funny stuff.
This type of humor earned me at least half of the discipline I received as a child. “Don’t be a smart ass”…it’s now starting to make sense…all the people who didn’t want to hear this type of stuff were Republicans. I can see why!
The right wing blogosphere is going apeshit over Colbert, he must have struck a nerve.
I’m sure they are. Colbert can look forward to being blamed for the war once the kids finally get parolled. Truth is, he’s just working w/ the material he’s provided.
Funny how Bush can break balls all the time, but the second it’s him they’re joking about, he gets upset.
One conservative site that I go to a lot is called riehl World. The guy who runs it likes to see himself as someone who calls the MSM out when they make a mistake. He was of course ripping Colbert and someone in the comments pointed out that Colbert did a better job critisizing the media in 2 minutes than he has done in two years. He did not respond.
I might forgive Colbert for the Mr Goodwrench commercials.
Hey, while I like Steven Colbert, here is an article that will turn your Sh#t white. Hopefully I won’t screw up the link.
#%&$@ scripting. Here is the link.
Jihad Watch
Goodbye, Sweden, it was nice knowing you.
It worked!!!!! Chris, I won’t feel the least bit slighted if you were to fix this section of posts. I am now master of the tag!!!
I spoke too soon. The a href tag, that is.
Nope, my poop is still brown (with an orangish tinge).
Native American tribal entities have been fighting for the right to rule themselves for ever. Many tribal groups in Alaska want the authority to enforce their own laws. Watching Sweden struggle with this same issue doesn’t scare me in the slightest. At the very worst this could possibly endanger the global supply of Volvos. Other than that I’m not sure how this would affect us.
What did this link have to do with Colbert? Is he a closet Swedish Muslim?
Nope, my poop is still brown (with an orangish tinge).
Might I suggest a quick Hep. C test in the very near future? Just a thought.
What did this link have to do with Colbert? Is he a closet Swedish Muslim?
Nothing. I was weighing the importance of either continuing to discuss yet another liberal media personality tow the party line by attacking the President or talking about a major global event that foreshadows things to come that will alter our culture irrevicably.
Image the set of balls someone would have to have to go into another country and demand that that country surrender their judicial system. It wasn’t fun when Hitler, Ho Chi Mihn, Stalin and Mohammad did it.
That is hilarious, pot this is kettle. Hmmm, Afghanistan, Iraq, who’s next. We perceived a threat and we stomped. If Islamic nations perceive a threat… what are their alternatives?
And I beg to differ regarding Colbert. He’s certainly no liberal. He’s a self-professed neo neo-con.
And as for the threat that Islam presents to Western civilizations. There’s a much higher probability that homosexuals will take over and convert us all to their ways than there is of Muslims doing the same.
Ahem, you talk about our culture like it’s a single thing that could go down like the Titanic. There are definitely certain parts of our culture that I would love to see disappear, starting with televised golf.
That is hilarious, pot this is kettle. Hmmm, Afghanistan, Iraq, who’s next.
Funny, I don’t remember Sweden invading Kuwait or Iran. I also don’t recall Osama listing a Swedish address as one of his hideouts. I definitely have not heard of Swedish State sponsored terrorism or the Swedish Taliban. Is Al Queda headquartered in Sweden? Receiving protection and aid from the Swedes? So, Apple, this is Orange.
And I beg to differ regarding Colbert. He’s certainly no liberal. He’s a self-professed neo neo-con.
More liberal jibberish!!!
There’s a much higher probability that homosexuals will take over and convert us all to their ways than there is of Muslims doing the same.
Homosexuals don’t blow up children and enslave women. Homosexuals don’t fly planes into buildings. Btw, Brokeback didn’t do too well in theatres so it will be a while before Ishtar or Gili shows up again.
Ahem, you talk about our culture like it’s a single thing that could go down like the Titanic.
There is no room for any part of our current culture within Islam. If we end up with a liberal run Congress and/or Presidnet prepare for the surrender to Islam in the name of political correctness.
starting with televised golf.
If only there was a way to incorporate guns into golf then it wouldn’t be so bad. Same with bowling.
If you could incorporate tackling into golf it might be OK, but drinking beer and driving around in thos carts is a blast.
Aside from outlawing booze in the winter, I’m sure that whatever end they reach here will end up alright. I’ve lived in Europe for a few years, and it’s not like their police don’t drive around with good equipment, or their detectives look the other way when something’s done by a Muslim. I’d live in Sweden for the next two years…if it was a choice between that and living in Gary, Indiana…I’d certainly feel a lot safer in Sweden.
Not to mention the fact that scandanavians can kill like no other ethnic group on the planet! Fuck the M-16s and white phosphorous – they’ll take a sword and shield each and WIN!
It’s no secret that scandinavian sperm sells at the highest price…they can’t pump it out fast enough to cover the demand.
Muslims vs. that…I’m pretty sure they’ll stick with the formula and take care of whoever wants to get serious about the matter.
You don’t mess with the Swedes, Finish, Norwegian or Russians in this world…you’ll be glad you didn’t. Allah’s got nothing on those genes!
It’s no secret that scandinavian sperm sells at the highest price…they can’t pump it out fast enough to cover the demand.
Hhmmmmm….I think I just figured out how to make watching golf more fun.
RT I think you are just venting because your hero Rush won’t be able to doctor shop so easily anymore. Looks like he’ll HAVE to go cold turkey, poor bastard. I say legalize his vice and let him cycle down towards hell. Wuhahahahaha!
Are you saying that they are not?
As for golf, there would need to be more naked women involved, and then maybe an ultimate fighting championship held on the 18th hole for me to be able to sit through it. Now… drinking beer and riding around in a golf cart is an entirely different sport.
You know…the problem with these jihadists is, their bullshit morals won’t allow them to make a living off of crime, as the drug smuggler lives large, these people risk their life for quite little in return, in the tangible sense, the ‘reality’ sense…as for some, the misery of this life finally ending is reward enough, even without a life in gumdrop land having sex all the time…just being done with it all finally, having earned respect from some in how it happened, and that’s good enough. Came into life with nothing, leave with at least having made a mark in some way. Have the luxury of death, without the sadness of knowing your life has been a complete waste of oxygen, or even worse, the inevitable indignity of old age and the thought of one’s own life having been totally meaningless.
In America, if you’re working hard, consuming, paying your taxes…someone on the TV is going to talk to you like you’re a hero quite often, like on cable news…so many pats on the back for ‘the folks’.
In places of constant tragedy and brutal injustice, love has no role to play in how anything in life turns out. When a village cannot rely on its people being good neighbors, to come together as one for the sake of what’s right, it’s then you find hopelessness, irrational thought and gobs of fiesty people who generally feel that they have nothing to lose, and are right most of the time.
Why does a teenager drop out of school to sell drugs? Why is a terrorist proud to die?
Why does a teenager drop out of school to sell drugs? Why is a terrorist proud to die?
Selfishness, they have in common that they only think of themselves.
Btw, the homicide bomber pool isn’t as large as Democrats have been saying. In Iraq, they are reporting that the supply of murderers is dwindling and the foreign insurgency is petering out.
In Iraq? They mostly use IEDs in Iraq – no suicide/homocide needed.
Right, neither you nor I have grown up with nothing, surrounded by violence and despair. Selfishness is your perception, but consider where that comes from. You’ve worked hard your entire life and are proud of what you’ve accomplished…you had parents who worked hard, lived in a community that did the same…no? How about growing up one of four in a project apartment, single mom drunk or whatever…it’s not the same, and pretending that these kids just have to do what you or I did is wrong.
The schools in these communities graduate students reading at an 8th grade level!!!!
The Middle East…what grade level are they reading at when they graduate (if they went to school at all)?
In Iraq? They mostly use IEDs in Iraq – no suicide/homocide needed.
Oh contrare!!! They rely heavily of suicide bombersi’ve read (dammit, now I have to find it again) that something like over half of the attacks are bombers. IEDs just don’t have the portability or accuracy of a live bomber. An IED, for example, can’t walk into a daycare center or grade school and detonate. You can’t target with an IED.
It’s all over the news now that the terrorists are having to change their tactics because of low number, low morale and low success. This kills the theory that Iraq is a perpetualt breeding ground. When you kill over 100,000 terrorists those numbers are hard to replace, specially when only 2,000 Americans died during the same time.
The schools in these communities graduate students reading at an 8th grade level!!!!
Whose fault is that? They want to learn to koran front and back. They want to be backwards and you can’t blame that on the Arabs or the Saudi royal family. Why do you think they go to places like Sweden and try to make Sweden like the Middle East??? They want the world to be like the Middle East. They want this!!!!
The Middle East…what grade level are they reading at when they graduate (if they went to school at all)?
You talk is if they want to go to school and graduate. Their religion thrives on ignorance and perpetuates ignorance. They do this by choice, not because anyone forced them. They aren’t slaves to an Arab King, they are slaves to Islam by choice.
When I mentioned schools where students graduate reading at an 8th grade level, I was talking about the USA! Right, you responded by blaming poor education in the Middle East on the influence of religion – yet weren’t we debating a while back, infusing religion into public education?
Islam cannot provide schools, only the king can – so when you blame it all on religion and give people a pass, it’s only half right in my opinion. Economic factors within a country determine whether or not the people live well, are able to work and provide for their family. If all the profit goes to a foreign account, with little spent on education, infrastructure and law enforcement…well, that’s how you end up with what we’ve got in the Middle East.
Remove Islam and they’d have another religion and the same problems a day later.
IEDS are still a major problem in Iraq. You can target it…you arm the device, stash it, move away and wait. When the target is close you push a button and walk away.
When I mentioned schools where students graduate reading at an 8th grade level, I was talking about the USA! Right, you responded by blaming poor education in the Middle East on the influence of religion – yet weren’t we debating a while back, infusing religion into public education?
I miss read that, sorry. We were debating about having a separate school system for religion. The private school system has always trumped the public school system, it’s just better. No union keeping incompenent teachers on the payroll.
The official (pubic or private) curriculum should be about science, math, english, history and learning skills. We were talking about the need for some sort of citizenship class where kids learn the manners and conscioence in what ever form their beliefs teach.
Protestants, Baptists, Catholics and Athiests, for example, would each be able to teach kids to me “good people”, for lack of better pharse, in their own way. Otherwise you have the situation where some teachers (recently liberals) indocrinate the students on the tax payers dime to thier own persoanl radical ideology.
Students are stupid now because of bad teachers, political correctness, racial sympathy classes and cramming for the fed tests at the last minute. They need to dump all that political crap and focus on the education.
Remove Islam and they’d have another religion and the same problems a day later.
I don’t see too many Baptists or Scientologists homicide bombing shopping centers. Islam is a religion of conquest and religious superiority. There is no other currently practiced religion in the world where the deity sancions enslaving the Earth at all costs. No where. The goal of Islam is to establish a Caliphat to rule over the Earth and they are about 35% there.
Typical liberal answer. Blame the system.
Students are stupid because their parents are not involved in their education (or in some cases there may be a real learning disability). Parents are dumb because they spend too much damn time watching TV, and not enough time reading about physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, and the literary classics. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there aren’t enough highly qualified teachers on the planet to single-handedly shoulder the responsibility of “educating” our youth. Education is primarily a parental responsibility.
Children are instructed in the classroom, but they learn by doing homework.
This clip shows up pretty well here. User friendly.
http://sevenbates.blogspot.com///
I was reading around the net today and their was some guy still bitching about Colbert, I wish I could find it again. He really struck a nerve with the right wing and the pundits in particular. Colbert deserves a meddle of freedom.
Colbert deserves a Medal of Freedom as much as Seinfeld does. He and some writers were paid to put together some entertainment, why the wet panties? I came to work today, a Friday no less, where is my Medal of Freedom?
He got laughs at the expense of Republicans, and George Bush in particular, so there are going to be commentators keeping the “IT WASN’T EVEN FUNNY” echo going strong until it’s an automatic assumption believed by the niche market, a segment of the community that wants to be told what they hope is the truth on their radio and television, to know that they don’t have to worry about the building that’s on fire directly to the right of the tour guide’s voice up at the front of the bus, “IT’S NOTHING, NOT WORTH YOUR TIME, JUST KEEP LOOKING STRAIGHT AHEAD AND THE ENDORPHINS WILL DANCE THEMSELVES GOOFY ONCE WE START TALKING ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS IN 3, 2, 1…”
The true believer will not seek out the tape to actually watch it for themselves…although many will claim to have been so brave, lurching into the breach…
It’s a phenomenon that comes around ever once in a while, where a group of entertainment people band together and demonize a political piece of comedy or cinema…think Million Dollar Baby, and also how it didn’t make a difference in ticket sales or oscars…then think Faranheight 9/11, a movie that is panned to this day, regularly in the media, and it hits you that the only people who ever refer to it are those who hate it, while more than half of the people in America wouldn’t know what it was if you showed them the movie poster, there are millions who haven’t actually seen it, but know that they hate it…why?
Because they’ve been reminded of that fact in the political products they choose to consume. And as the saying goes, “you are what you eat”.
Like flouride in the water, it’s a piece by piece assimilation into a comfort zone regarding all that crap going on in Washington DC, the neverending sound of scrap metal being broken up by the teeth of an enormous compactor, echoes of a maddening screech heard all the way out past the Rockies…the cure to this is selecting the media outlet that best suits your idea of what the world SHOULD be, and perhaps even what it supposedly IS.
Drugs that attack the brain with greater ferocity than most anti-psychotic medications on the market today. Like the Paxil allows you to feel calm when you’re really not, and the Ambien makes you feel sleepy when you’re really not, addictive political products can ravage the mind of some, providing the sense that you know the facts, whether or not you found out on your own or just believed what the drug told you to believe.
Look RT, George Tenet got the Medal of Freedom. This is the guy who was director of CIA from 1997 to 2004. Of all people this guy had the most opportunity to thwart the tragedy of 9/11. He didn’t do that. I don’t know what the hell he did except stick up for Bush when intelligence agencies were being scrutinized for the decision that Bush made to invade Iraq.
If George Tenet gets a MOF, then every American should get the medal (because obviously an MOF aint’ that big of a deal). Colbert is an American, thus Colbert should get a medal. Relatively simple deduction. (BTW, Seinfeld should get one too… for the same reason as Colbert.)
I bet Porter Goss will be the next recipient of the MOF. It seems to be a reward they give to people they don’t like.
BTW right:
I agree you deserve a MOF
In my opinion the MOF lost a lot of its luster when Reagan gave one out to the comedian Gallahger and another to the actor who played Luke Skywalker in the 80s.
But Lukeskywalker saved the universe.
I don’t think Reagan knew the difference between movies and real life.
Didn’t reagan also give some sort of award to Frank Sinatra? The same Frank Sinatra that was allegedly having an affair with Nancy Reagan, and, allegedly, had mob ties?
Ahem, I hate to nitpick, but it was really Darth Vader that saved the universe. Luke was just a whiney little punk.
That was the whole point I think…give out a medal so they could appear with the guy who saved the universe, while secretly supporting the dark side.
You gift someone who the public either loves or believes was incompetent…toss the hoopleheads a scrap or two now and then, then reward the loyals who took accepted a lot of blame and kept their mouth shut.
These medals are ridiculous, as are most things pubic officials do when lots of cameras are around. You give one to Frank Sinatra and another to Nelson Mandella (does he have one?)…kind of reduces the legitimate relevance of the honor.
Like being proud of receiving an honorary degree from the college you graduated from, then the next year they give one out to Jonny Knoxville.
Hell, Ted Kennedy probably has a drawer full of these.
Everyone who voted for Kerry should get one too. Talk about sacrafice. Al Gore voters too. That was just plain sad.
Poor W:
NEW ORLEANS – Former Presidents Bush and Clinton helped Tulane University celebrate its “miracle” commencement Saturday, nine months after Hurricane Katrina put two-thirds of campus under water and scattered students to more than 600 schools nationwide.
“This commencement will no doubt go down as one of the most memorable and cherished events in the history of our great university,” Tulane president Scott S. Cowen said.
Degrees were awarded to nearly 2,200 graduates and honorary degrees were presented to Bush, Clinton and several others.
Not only are polls saying that people see Clinton as more trustworthy than W, but even his dad seems to like Bill Clinton Better.
CNN Poll, because I know right wants to see this:
Respondents favored Clinton by greater than 2-to-1 margins when asked who did a better job at handling the economy (63 percent Clinton, 26 percent Bush) and solving the problems of ordinary Americans (62 percent Clinton, 25 percent Bush). (Watch whether Americans are getting nostalgic for the Clinton era — 1:57)
On foreign affairs, the margin was 56 percent to 32 percent in Clinton’s favor; on taxes, it was 51 percent to 35 percent for Clinton; and on handling natural disasters, it was 51 percent to 30 percent, also favoring Clinton.
Moreover, 59 percent said Bush has done more to divide the country, while only 27 percent said Clinton had.
When asked which man was more honest as president, poll respondents were more evenly divided, with the numbers — 46 percent Clinton to 41 percent Bush — falling within the poll’s margin of error. The same was true for a question on handling national security: 46 percent said Clinton performed better; 42 percent picked Bush
After a little more reading around on the net(I need a life) my guess is that the Republicans are really starting to turn on Bush because of his stand on imigration. Which sort of explains his drop in the polls. Given I think it is one of the few good ideas he has had since becoming president it follows that most the wingers would hate it.
My guess is that they are turning on him because has given them absolutely nothing to put on display as a Republican “success”. Although I guess he did help to put the kibosh on gay marriage… “go team!”
You’ll hear some Republicans talking about how great the economy is doing. To that I say: you can do a lot to prop up an economy when the national credit card has no limit, and you don’t have to worry about paying it off during your presidency. So much for fiscal conservatism.
It says a lot when Republicans, rather than talk about successes, simply resort to bashing past presidential candidates “well at least Bush isn’t as bad as Gore or Kerry.” Pure speculation without one ioda of substantial evidence to back it up. It’s the ultimate argument that can never be defeated since neither Gore nor Kerry have a presidential track record to examine. Open enrollment for “Republican Spin 101”. Plenty of seats still available.