Brian J. Doyle, Deputy Press Secretary, Homeland Security

As Walter Soucheck would say, “he’s a pederass”.  Busted for all the nasty things he typed and porno movie files he sent to an undercover agent pretending to be a 12 year old girl.  Funny thing about this, and something I’m sure the press will ignore, the agent who scored this bust is somewhat of a hero around the office building. 

Ray is his name, and the fine art of seduction is his game.  Devoted to the unit he was assigned to out of training, the amount of convictions as result of his work in the last 2 years is an astounding 8,293.  Smooth talker in a chat room, complete with photos of missing Romanian girls, Ray’s mission is to “walk the cyber-track, see who’s in the market”. 

“It’s a growth industry, no doubt.”  Ray’s senior vice-supervisor was overheard saying this more than once to someone on the phone.  When asked about what life would be like around the office without Ray, “we wouldn’t even be here right now, probably be chasing down names on NSA lists, maybe I’d have landed into drugs…”

At the age of 58, Ray is hard at work everyday making sure that doesn’t happen. 

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5 Responses to Brian J. Doyle, Deputy Press Secretary, Homeland Security

  1. Wisenheimer says:

    Seems to be a lot of dumb SOBs getting caught up in this scheme recently. Is it a phenomenon that was just waiting for the approrpiate medium to burgeon?

  2. captain_menace says:

    I say good on Ray. That man needs a raise.

  3. Oh, he’s huffed and puffed about that several times in the past, but his psychological evaluation on file in HR indicated that he was the type of person likely to threaten others without any actual intention to back it up. So whenever he demanded more money, saying he’d quit, they refered to the file and jerked him around. It worked.

  4. karl says:

    What is up with the department of homeland security? From the washington post:

    Another Homeland Security official — Frank Figueroa, special agent in charge of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Tampa — faces trial this week on charges of exposing himself to a teenage girl last year at a mall. Figueroa, who has been suspended, pleaded not guilty.

  5. karl says:

    Seems like stings like this may border on entrapment, especially given the fact that no minors were involved. The whole thing is weird but I am not sure that it is a good way to go after pedophiles.

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